


did I take more (than I gave?)

by zanthetran



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, like. angst. and then happy ending I guess., literal character death but it's at the beginning so its not like. sad.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 04:05:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16110440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zanthetran/pseuds/zanthetran
Summary: "Anger that consumed Kara completely to the point she was sure there was no going back.Anger that made the superhero understand why some people become evil after a loss.(Anger that made her consider it.)"AU where Lena dies. That's really it. Based on a lyric from Glorious by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis.





	did I take more (than I gave?)

“I heard you die twice; once when they bury you in a grave, and the second time is the last time that somebody mentions your name.”

-

After it happens, Lena hears her name being said a lot. A few times from Alex - mostly in a consoling manner to Kara, a hand rubbing slow circles on her shaking back - and quite a bit from Winn and James. Winn talks to her when he’s stuck in the office, trying to figure out some piece of technology - alien or otherwise. ("It's incredible, Lena. I have only just scratched the surface of what it does - but I'm sure you would've figured out the entire thing already.") James talks to her during late nights in the office, making jokes and telling her about Cat Co.

Telling her about Kara.

("She's...not good, Lena. She's trying, I can tell, but she's struggling.")

 

She hears her name from Kara almost constantly. At first it’s in pained screaming - wailing - crumpled to the ground while she pleaded - begged - for Lena to be brought back. Screaming to every god in existence, kneeling on the ground, tears staining her cheeks and her apartment in chaos. Those nights ended with Kara, exhausted mentally and physically, asleep on the couch of Alex’s apartment.

Then it was yelled in anger. Anger that was followed by scorching heat vision that left holes in the walls of the DEO and resulted in multiple cars being used as punching bags. Anger that consumed Kara completely to the point she was sure there was no going back.

Anger that made the superhero understand why some people become evil after a loss.

(Anger that made her consider it.)

 

Lena didn’t hear her name for a while after that. A few times from James who was checking in, and once from a very, very drunk Alex.

(“You really couldn’t have waited just a _few more minutes_ , Lena?”)

She was starting to think not hearing her name was worse than hearing it yelled in agony. Time passed (or, she assumed it was passing) and Kara started to move on (or, she assumed she was moving on) when she heard her name whispered into the dark. It brought her to Kara, laying on Lena’s couch, wrapped in her comforter with her National City sweater pulled under Kara’s chin.

“Lee. I can’t do it.” There was a short sob from the darkness. “I don’t know how to go on without you.”

Lena could feel her heart breaking with every word, and no way to comfort Kara. She walked to the edge of the couch to Kara’s feet and sat down.

“I - I don’t know what to do, Lee. I need you here.” Kara sighed loudly and closed her eyes. “I need you here.” It was mumbled into Lena’s sweater as Kara fell asleep, tears dry on her cheeks.

 

Then it was being said almost daily. Sometimes a whisper as Kara wakes up, rolls over, and reaches out her arm to an empty side of the bed. Other times it's when she is sitting on roof tops, watching the city below, red cape blowing in the wind, telling Lena about her day and all the bad guys she took down.

(Lena preferred the latter.)

((“They still shot at me even though basically everyone knows I’m bulletproof.” Kara scoffed and bit into her sandwich, legs swinging over the edge of the Cat Co. building. “It’s like they _want_ to be caught now.”))

 

The last time her name is said is hundreds of years later - after Superman and Alex and James and Winn and Lex die. Everyone she has known or loved is gone. Everyone except Kara. 

Her Kara.

Her Supergirl.

It’s when Kara is laying on a hospital bed, weak and fading, IV sticking out of her normally unpiercable skin. Nurses move around the room, running tests and looking at her labs on the computers, but Kara already knows it’s near the end.

She isn’t immortal.

She was never immortal. There was always going to be an end.

She thinks back to all the people she’s saved, all the years she’s protected National City and all the villains she put away. She thinks about her family, about Alex and Eliza. About Winn and James. About everyone she watched grow old as she stayed young.

And finally, she thinks about Lena. It’s been so long since she’s thought about Lena. She thinks about the time she took Lena to the zoo for the first time.

(“Tell me again why people enjoy this?” Lena complained, squinting at the hot sun through her sunglasses.

“Because it’s fun!” Kara replied, handing her an ice cream cone. Lena looked at it suspiciously for a moment before taking it. “Look! It’s says a gorilla can lift two TONS!” Kara read from the sign in front of the enclosure.

“You do realize you can easily lift five hundred times that, right?”

“That’s not the point.”)

She thinks about first meeting Lena, about building a solid friendship, about building trust, about having to rebuild that trust after it came crashing down with the Worldkillers and kryptonite.

("And what about you, Ms. Danvers? I didn't see your name on the byline.")

("I will always protect you. I promise.")

("You are not your mother.")

("Supergirl may have saved me but, Kara Danvers, _you_ are my hero.")

("I have friends who wouldn't lie to me.")

("I can never trust Supergirl again.")

She thinks about when she told Lena she was supergirl, the raised eyebrow and “I know.” coming as no surprise.

(Lena was actually the smartest person she knew, and she’s been to 7 different galaxies.)

Rao, and she thinks about when Lena died. How she was seconds - _seconds_ \- too late, watching the building crumble under the weight from the sideline with Alex, her sister trying to console her but she could already hear Lena’s heartbeat stopping. Finding her body buried underneath debris and pulling her out, clutching for dear life while the paramedics attempted to pull her away.

Kara closes her eyes with a sigh, the nurses having already left the room to give her some time to herself before the end. Lena watches from the side of the bed as Kara slowly turns her hand over. “Hold my hand one last time, Lee?” 

And Lena does. She puts her hand over Kara’s and a smile graces those immortal features. Kara’s breathing is labored, the steady beat of the EKG stuttering every so often. “I’m coming, Lee. Just wait for me. I’m coming.” It’s the last thing Kara says when the machine flatlines, the smile still on her face. And the nurses walk into the room, turning off the monitor and turning Kara’s hand back over and under the covers. Lena watches as they cover her body with the sheet, as they prepare to take her body to the morgue, the superhero finally fallen. She watches until they wheel Kara’s body out the door and to an elevator going down.

Until she hears a familiar voice from behind her, “You waited.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this literal months ago and it's been in my notes on my phone until I remembered I even wrote it. rip my dignity as y'all find out I love the album the heist by Macklemore and Ryan lewis lmfao. find me on tumblr/twitter @zanthetran to hear my panicked gay screaming about supercorp


End file.
